When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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