You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
