My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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