I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to jail i love you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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