the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
