the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
