I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
