PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
