I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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