plz talk dirty to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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