You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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