I am puke
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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