found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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