Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
