We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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