What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
