I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
its like you know when i get waxed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?