O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine