During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found the puke drawer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?