If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
