were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
