Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
