The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
