You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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