I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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