He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
