Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
