yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
