that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
