I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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