Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
