everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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