And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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