I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
