I wish my penis had an off switch
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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