Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
