i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
