Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
