When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
