I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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