Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
