I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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