He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
