I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
