So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
