Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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