Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry about my life...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize