nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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