So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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