hotel room ftw
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
