you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
