If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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