are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
