it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He felt like a one man threesome
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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