id be glad to
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
