Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
