So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
