Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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