"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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