You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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