you mean i was at the winter classic?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
