There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
