Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
