I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
