dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
