Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
