So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
