thus making me awesome and them whores
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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